She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
