K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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