A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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