just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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