I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
