just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
