Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
