Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
