just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
