i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
