operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
