you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
