I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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