if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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