Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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