I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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