brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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