There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize