It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
