What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
