She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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