yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
