4 words: hood of his car
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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