I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
