You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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