so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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