Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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