o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
