So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize