Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want to make out with him forever
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
