I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
