Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
