He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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