i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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