He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
