Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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