I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
