I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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