Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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