this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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