wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
