will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
