i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
