Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
