Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
