$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
