I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
