I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
