i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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