i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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