He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
