i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
