A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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