nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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