you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
