Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
