She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize