no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
