where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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