I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
