Define "chronic" masturbator.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
