so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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