i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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