I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
