I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
