At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize