worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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