6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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